Hi Sheena! I just read the introduction to your storybook and I have to say I can't wait to read the real thing! I'm a huge fan of the show Grey's Anatomy and I think your story will be great to read even for those who are not familiar with the show. I like how you used the introduction to introduce some of the main characters and give us some insight on what to expect from them in the story. My only critique would be including something that sets your story a part from the actual show. I see you used the same characters, are you going to use the same storyline as well or make it your own? Besides it being just like the actual show, you did a great job and I didn't notice anything else that I would change. I look forward to keeping up with your story!
First off, I love your layout and the banner images! Second, I love Grey’s anatomy so this storybook is a winner to me.
Before I even got to the second paragraph of her introducing herself, I already had Meredith Grey’s voice in my head. I really like the tone, too. The first and last paragraph definitely sound like things that would come out of Meredith’s mouth.
The last sentence of the second paragraph “but along with the learning a few lives were put at risk” was a hard to understand at first. Maybe say, “I came here to learn and to become the best surgeon possible. However, along with the learning, a few lives were put at risk.” And don’t forget a comma after “yet,” in the paragraph about Karev.
Other than those minor details, your intro looks great! I can’t wait to get into these dirty little secrets. I can’t imagine there being even more dirt after watching the series, but I definitely want to stick around to read your story!
Hey Sheena! First things first, I am a devoted and fully obsessed fan of Greys Anatomy! Hence why your storybook grabbed my attention! I loved your introduction and how you are keeping it true to the show and having it from the point of view of Meredith! I am really looking forward to what kind of stories you are going to be writing too. I also am looking forward to what roles the characters are going to play, Karev is my favorite and so I hope he isn’t always portrayed as the jerk! I can see Dr. Weber saying the first and last paragraphs to them in such a serious manner-I really loved how you got the seriousness across! I wonder if it is going to be the drama of the hospital or if the patients are going to be included too! And Dr. McDreamy is still alive in your story so I look forward to getting to have him back! Good Luck!
I really liked your introduction for your story book! I have never seen Grey’s Anatomy so I am probably missing a lot of the references that you put in your introduction. However, I still thought you did a good job! Even for people like me who have never seen the show, it was still interesting and attention grabbing. I really like how you structured your intro into smaller paragraphs. I also like how you briefly introduced each character in a concise way while still getting across their personality. I am very interested to see what direction you take this story. I can’t really tell what you will be talking about within your story book, besides that it will be about Grey’s Anatomy. That could be what you are going for, making the reader curious about what is going to come next. I am sure if they like Grey’s Anatomy, they will want to come back for more.
Hi Sheena! While I've never watched Grey's Anatomy, my best friend and roommate are both obsessed with it. Based on what they have told me, this seems like it is mostly on par with the show. But I'm confused as to how this is a mythological or folklore based story and not Grey's Anatomy fanfiction. Your Introduction also seemed a little short. I would focus more on telling the story and spend less time just giving character descriptions and backgrounds. Everyone who loves Grey's Anatomy will know who and what you are talking about, and everyone else can fall in love with the characters along the way through the way you write them. While I'm not the biggest fan of medical dramas, I'm very interested in what you're going to do with Grey's Anatomy. Is it going to be the same but Meredith treats mythological creatures as well? Are you going to keep up with what is canon in the show right now? I'm definitely curious enough to stay tuned.
So I had to randomly choose another storybook to review and yours definitely caught my attention since I'm a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with the introduction. It brought me back to before the newer seasons, which sadden me since so much has changed. So much that I haven't even continued watching the last season and I'm sure the season before that. I hope to get back into it though and catch up. Back to your storybook though, the introduction shared what the story was about, though I am still curious to see how you will recreate the stories. Will it be the same as the show, with newer plot twists or completely different, just a similar concept and the same characters. I'm excited to see where you take this, it's a pretty bold step, using a television show as your foundation. It's unique and I like it! Good luck!
Hi Sheena! I used to watch Grey's Anatomy nonstop, but have lately been falling behind. I just got done reading your introduction to your storybook and I honestly think that it is amazing! I think that you did such a great job with the layout as well as the picture in the back. I also really like that your introduction gave enough information so that if someone isn't familiar with the show they can still easily follow along. I also really enjoy that you are writing this from Meredith, the main character's, point of view. I know that she has numerous secrets as well as trials and tribulations on the show, so I can't wait to see what how you begin to unfold all of her stories! I am so excited to read more of your storybook! Good luck!
Hi Sheena, I just read the introduction to your storybook. I think the concept is a fun idea and it will be a great set of stories. Aesthetically, I think your page is terrific. The excessive white with a little baby blue immediately puts my mind in the hospital setting, which I assume may have been your goal. The white makes me think of the excessively clean environment (that should be there) in any hospital and the blue makes me think of latex medical gloves. I've never watched Grey's Anatomy so I have no idea how this introduction differs from that of the actual series. I think it would be beneficial if you explained where your inspiration came from and what direction your storybook will take, because that isn't clear to me from reading this (granted someone that already knows the original story-line very well might know exactly what you're doing but I don't because I have no basis for comparison.) The home page would be a great place where you can add a quick blurb about that, so it won’t take away from your official introduction. Overall, I think your intro is well written and it really sounds like something I would love to read. The last paragraph is a little unfocused and it doesn't feel clear to me what your goal is with that paragraph, so you might re-read that and see if maybe there is something missing you intended to include or possibly even just reorganize the paragraph.
Hello Sheena! I love the Grey's Anatomy idea you have for your storybook. I think that it is a great way to incorporate your own stories because the complexity of the Grey's Anatomy story line gives you a way to be creative and develop stories in your own way. The first and last paragraph reminded me of Meredith's opening and ending of each show and I could hear the narration as I was reading along, so great job there! I think one thing you could do is develop the characters a little bit more. By that, you could expand more on their personalities instead of just a broad overview of each character. I understand the traits of each character because I watch the show but I think if you added a little bit about specific characteristics, it would make your intro a lot stronger. I really like the idea that you are going for and I think it's great so far!
Hi Sheena! Great introduction! I can hear Grey's voice reading the intro and conclusion while the scene flashes to pictures of Seattle. I am an avid watcher of the show, so I know who all of the characters are. One thing that might be useful it including pictures of the characters for those who aren't familiar with the show! You could also include a video of the Grey's Anatomy introduction if you want! That might help people who are unfamiliar with the show understand the way you introduce and close your stories! I really hope you keep this theme throughout your stories, because it is the perfect representation of Grey's Anatomy. Overall, I think you did really great introducing your topic! I am really interested to see the different stories you bring into it! Great job!
Hey Sheena! I really enjoyed your first story! I am sitting in the bottom of the physical science center and actually laughed out loud in front of everyone at the "shocking" part! So punny. I was kinda confused how it all related back until I read the authors note though! Like what the moral of the story was I guess! I also really loved how many pictures you used! That takes a lot of effort and I can tell how much work you put in! I too love modernizing my stories and so I really connected with your writing style! I am curious if the next stories will include more of the gossip that goes on in the show, like not between patients, simply the doctors! I know lots of mythology has some intense gossip that would end up working great for you! I look forward to reading your next story!
I’m so excited you started writing your stories. After reading your introduction I knew I’d have to come back and read the rest. As far as answering your question, I think the father is at fault. You really can’t ever assume a child should know better, after all they are still young. The father should have stopped her regardless if it was plugged into that wall in order to teach her that it is never right to chew on wires for future reference. I’m not sure where else this story is going to go though. I liked the idea, but I feel as though the story had a beginning, middle, and end and if you’re writing a series, I feel as though some events should happen without resolving itself in the same story. Maybe add some more drama between the doctors as well, just like the show. It would be interesting for the father to not tell them anything because he’s afraid of getting arrested for neglect so the doctors have to figure out themselves what happened to her and they can all have different answers. Other than that, this is off to a great start! Good luck!
I'm so happy you updated! I felt like I had been occasionally checking in for forever. I liked your update, but overall the strangest thing about your story was the point of view. While you told it from Meredith's point of view, you described a lot of things going on that she couldn't see or wouldn't have known just yet. I also totally would have believed you can die from a phone charger (whether from choking on it, strangulation, or electrocution) so I didn't really like the beginning and ending snippet, especially since they spoiled what happened to the little girl. I'm not good at medicinal stuff, but your hospital vocabulary all sounded very impressive and like you researched it. I'm also very interested in what connects your stories to this class because I'd love to see the link. Will we get mythological creatures or just bad parents? Overall, I found your update amusing and interesting, and I eagerly await the next, whatever it brings.
I like how you went with the first person perspective of Meredith Grey like the narration in the show is. I liked your finishing paragraph in your intro. It made me want to keep reading your storybook; it was a great hook. Are you going to include more characters from the show? I don't even know which ones are left anymore, but it would be great if you were able to include more. If so, I would of course include their character descriptions in the intro as well. I liked your image choice. The beginning paragraph of your first story is awesome- a great way to get the readers interested in the story. There are a few comma errors I noticed, so proofread to check those. There are some missing commas in compound sentences. I think it's cool that you included the fancy medical terms in your story. They made it seem even more realistic. Nice use of "Shocking." in the story. This story scared me because I have a daughter, and she always tries to play with any cord she can find! I do think it is cool that you decided to use the electrocution story. You did well with it. It was just so sad It did teach a valuable lesson though.
I had to read your storybook when I saw "Grey's Anatomy!" It's definitely one of my all time favorites. Your homepage is amazing, I love the picture along with the title "Untold Stories." Not only the homepage photo, but the header pictures for both the introduction and story are great too. When you introduced the same character's that are in Grey's I got so happy. I was like hmm... what's going to happen next? As you know, anything can happen in Grey's, you never know! Overall, I love that you began with Meredith's point of view of a statement that sets up the whole story. Electric Shock was written very well both structurally and grammatically. You really focused in on Alex and the patient/dad, and I think that was needed. What an awful scenario, though stuff like that does actually happen in real life as well. That's got to be such a tough situation! Anyways, I'll definitely have to come back and read your future stories. Great job!
Wow, I really like the very beginning of the introduction! It pulled me in right away.
I can't say I know much about Grey's Anatomy except for some characters, so I'm looking forward to learning more about the show through your story :^). I like that you took the time to introduce the characters and give a brief description about them and I also like how you ended the introduction. It was inspirational and ties in with how working in a hospital setting is never constant and that you have to take whatever life throws at you and go with it.
Thanks for the author's note! It was really insightful and had me thinking. The story was also really interesting because I really wasn't expecting all of that to happen because of a phone charger; it really does make you think.
Good work! With the way your story is set up, I'm curious about what other cases will happen in the next few stories.
Hi, Sheena! I was so excited to see the title of your Storybook because I am absolutely obsessed with Grey's Anatomy! What a cool idea to incorporate medical stories into the lives of the doctors because they are always coming across strange cases it seems. Are these stories from a collection or are they random stories that you found in your own research? I thought both of them were fascinating and you did such a great job making it seem like the real script of the show! I really appreciated the introduction to both stories with the little pieces of advice from Meredith. Feels just like the show! I thought you did a great job with the layout and theme of your story because it reflects a hospital setting with the simplicity and crispness. It's also perfect that you have so many images from the show to select from for each story. I have to say, it made me sad seeing pictures of Derek! I sure miss him... My only suggestions are for the medical terms that you included in the story. Myoclonus itself is a condition, but when it applies to a seizure, it actually becomes "myoclonic" as a descriptive term. It would also be interesting and sad for a little expansion on the aphasia experienced by the little girl because it would really tug at the heart strings! Lastly, gastroenteritis is an inflamed condition of the stomach, rather than an object, so the "an" before is not necessary. I know those are small picky and nerdy things (sorry!), but they might help the story seem a little more realistic. Overall, great job and I loved reading your twist on Grey's! I'll definitely be checking back in to read more in the future!
Hey Sheena, your storybook was my free choice last week, and this week I was assigned to your storybook! I was excited, because who wouldn't be excited to read more about drama/instances in a Grey's Anatomy view. Once again, I love that you stick with the layout of the episodes of Grey's, as Meredith is the main intro and voice of story. Oh, and how nice to have Dr. Shepherd as the neurosurgeon for this patient! I really do feel like I'm watching an episode of Grey's when reading your storybook, which means that you are writing very well and with great imagery. Content wise, what a crazy story! I was reading through this and thinking about all of the home remedies that people start to think are actually true. This one was really interesting, because there are a lot of people out there that probably do think this is a home remedy for the flu. Anyways, great job and I can't wait to see what story you have next!
First of all I want to say that your storybook is very creative and I am super excited that I had the opportunity to read it. I can tell just by looking briefly at your Storybook that you are a Grey’s Anatomy fan. I love it – I think it is a show that can teach people a lot about life and get people through hard times. Your Storybook is very well thought out and attention grabbing and I think that is something you should be very proud of. I think your imagery and verbiage helps actually place ourselves in the hospital as a reader – that is something super hard to do and I think you have done very well in that! I think that there is a certain lack of drama between characters and that is my only suggestion…I think there could be more dialogue to resolve all the issues at hand. Other than that – great job and keep up the good work.
I’m a huge grey’s anatomy fan, so I was really excited when I saw that was the theme of your storybook! I have never seen anyone do a theme like this, and I am really impressed with your creativity and ingenuity with this! I just read the story “Electric Shock,” and I think it is really well done. It is much different from anything I have read in this class so it was a nice change of pace. I liked how you used so many medical terms but explained them in a way that was easy for the reader to actually understand what was going on. I also like that you used a situation that could of happened to anyone. I mean a cell phone charger, that is pretty crazy to think that it cause electrocution like that! One thing I wondered was exactly how old the little girl was? It said her dad was carrying her so I got the idea that she was young, but wasn’t exactly sure how old. Good job!
Hey Sheena! So I've originally said something about your storybook already, though I've received it as one to comment on now. I still love the idea that you've incorporated one of my favorite shows into your own version. I read both stories and loved how you utilized the stories you've read prior to creating something unique and vital to your stories. Though I'm a tad confused where each of these will head and if there is going to be a main theme in the end. There was also something about your stories that seemed like there could've been more. In terms of length, they seemed to have been cut short and/or limited by something where I would've enjoyed reading more drama and suspense rather than a quick lesson. Overall I enjoyed that each story provided the different emotions in general and the way they were incorporated with the original character names! And even though I didn't quite expect what you produced, job well done!
Hi again, Sheena! I am always so happy to find that you have updated! This time I felt like you actually got closer to a real myth. I thought it was interesting that you have elected to use more modern examples of myths rather than stories like the ones we've been reading about. Out of all of the pieces of your story, I'm a little unsure about the before and after each case excerpts. They feel a bit too much like TV narration and less like a story. I think you could definitely keep the ending ones, but both together feel a bit corny. Also, I would make sure you watch your verb tenses because they often shifts in the story from past to present when they shouldn't. As always, your story seemed a bit short, but it was entertaining nonetheless. I will be back again whenever you update next!
Hi Sheena! I have not read from this storybook yet, so I was glad to get the chance now. I really like the intro! It sets the expectations of each character (and I also totally read it in Ellen Pompeo's voice). One thing I like about this storybook is that it is not based on fairy tales or folklore -- it is something different! It is really neat that you chose to use the modern rumors/myths.
The first story was fun to read. It really felt like something I would watch on Grey's Anatomy. I also liked how you featured the closing commentary. I found the second story funny. If only tequila did solve all of our problems! Overall, I like the direction you went with this story. I do, however, wonder if there is an end goal for the story. I did not pick up on any continuing story line. I feel like there should be something that motivates the reader to continue from story to story. Nonetheless, I am glad I chose to read yours this week!
I really like your titles for your stories. They definitely do a good job at reeling the reader in. Your banner image do a good job as well! The only part of your story that I hadn’t read yet was your ‘Thoughts on Tequila’ story, and I loved the very beginning. The first paragraph was such a great hook! The whole story was such an interesting concept. It was a really nice touch to add the video. I think it is great how you chose the white background to give that hospital feel. Also, it was nice that you could include a life lesson in that story as well as entertainment. I can really see a lot of people believing that video, so this was a very relevant topic. I kept wanting more details during the story, but I think that it is only because it felt like it was moving at a pretty quick pace. I also would have enjoyed something a little more dramatic to happen, but that is just the drama-junkie in me. Overall, good job with this storybook!
Hey Sheena! I love this storybook idea! I had not had the chance to read yours yet, and I am excited I got to choose this one as my free choice for the week! I think your layout is excellent and that you did a really nice job with pictures and designing everything. I am bad with technology, so I like what you have done. In your introduction I like how you actually introduced all of the characters and set up the scene for what was to come in later stories. I am fascinated that you choose to use modern myths to incorporate your stories with. For your two stories, I liked how you included a lot of detail with everything, even though things happen relatively fast in hospitals. I did like that you added the touch about the white background with a clean hospital effect. The tequila story was also very interesting! I too, am a fan of tequila so I thought the video you added was a really nice touch to the story. I kept expecting there to be something more climactic, but I never really got the feel for that. What if the tequila did something extremely strange to the patient's body? That would be such an interesting twist. Anyways, I also liked the little excerpt at the end with the lesson. I think that connected everything all together. Great job!
I don't watch too much TV but I was able to catch a few episodes of grey's anatomy. I think I watched more house than anything. I was expecting the tequila story to connect with alcohol poisoning but where you took it was good too. That story really made me think of house and what remarks he would make to the patient on how stupid they are. I like that your stories originate from things that affect us everyday, instead of things that where only an issue in the past. The layout is great and it really does give that vibe of a clean hospital. I was not tech savvy enough to change mine up. Great stories! and I hope to read more!
I really enjoyed reading some of your story and seeing how you used Grey's Anatomy as the inspiration for your story. I found it delightful to read just because of how well you put your story together. I liked that you took from more life like situations. Especially the last part of your storybook, which was about tequila. You seem like a very creative and well written writer. Good work.
Hi Sheena! I originally clicked on your story from the title of it and I am so glad that I did! I read the introduction and the Electric shock and both of them were great. In the introduction, I love how you started the story with a question and that seemed like an excellent way to hook the readers and make them want to learn more about your story. I also love the perspective that you took when writing this. The story is being recalled from a first person point of your view and I loved that. It reminded me of The House of Cards in a way. The writing has a very mysterious element to it as well and I find that extremely fascinating. This is the last week for the class so I do not really have any suggestions on improvements. I hope you have a great end of the semester. Great job!
Hi Sheena! I just read the introduction to your storybook and I have to say I can't wait to read the real thing! I'm a huge fan of the show Grey's Anatomy and I think your story will be great to read even for those who are not familiar with the show. I like how you used the introduction to introduce some of the main characters and give us some insight on what to expect from them in the story. My only critique would be including something that sets your story a part from the actual show. I see you used the same characters, are you going to use the same storyline as well or make it your own? Besides it being just like the actual show, you did a great job and I didn't notice anything else that I would change. I look forward to keeping up with your story!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I love your layout and the banner images! Second, I love Grey’s anatomy so this storybook is a winner to me.
ReplyDeleteBefore I even got to the second paragraph of her introducing herself, I already had Meredith Grey’s voice in my head. I really like the tone, too. The first and last paragraph definitely sound like things that would come out of Meredith’s mouth.
The last sentence of the second paragraph “but along with the learning a few lives were put at risk” was a hard to understand at first. Maybe say, “I came here to learn and to become the best surgeon possible. However, along with the learning, a few lives were put at risk.” And don’t forget a comma after “yet,” in the paragraph about Karev.
Other than those minor details, your intro looks great! I can’t wait to get into these dirty little secrets. I can’t imagine there being even more dirt after watching the series, but I definitely want to stick around to read your story!
Great job!
Hey Sheena! First things first, I am a devoted and fully obsessed fan of Greys Anatomy! Hence why your storybook grabbed my attention! I loved your introduction and how you are keeping it true to the show and having it from the point of view of Meredith! I am really looking forward to what kind of stories you are going to be writing too. I also am looking forward to what roles the characters are going to play, Karev is my favorite and so I hope he isn’t always portrayed as the jerk! I can see Dr. Weber saying the first and last paragraphs to them in such a serious manner-I really loved how you got the seriousness across! I wonder if it is going to be the drama of the hospital or if the patients are going to be included too! And Dr. McDreamy is still alive in your story so I look forward to getting to have him back! Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your introduction for your story book! I have never seen Grey’s Anatomy so I am probably missing a lot of the references that you put in your introduction. However, I still thought you did a good job! Even for people like me who have never seen the show, it was still interesting and attention grabbing. I really like how you structured your intro into smaller paragraphs. I also like how you briefly introduced each character in a concise way while still getting across their personality. I am very interested to see what direction you take this story. I can’t really tell what you will be talking about within your story book, besides that it will be about Grey’s Anatomy. That could be what you are going for, making the reader curious about what is going to come next. I am sure if they like Grey’s Anatomy, they will want to come back for more.
ReplyDeleteHi Sheena! While I've never watched Grey's Anatomy, my best friend and roommate are both obsessed with it. Based on what they have told me, this seems like it is mostly on par with the show. But I'm confused as to how this is a mythological or folklore based story and not Grey's Anatomy fanfiction. Your Introduction also seemed a little short. I would focus more on telling the story and spend less time just giving character descriptions and backgrounds. Everyone who loves Grey's Anatomy will know who and what you are talking about, and everyone else can fall in love with the characters along the way through the way you write them. While I'm not the biggest fan of medical dramas, I'm very interested in what you're going to do with Grey's Anatomy. Is it going to be the same but Meredith treats mythological creatures as well? Are you going to keep up with what is canon in the show right now? I'm definitely curious enough to stay tuned.
ReplyDeleteSo I had to randomly choose another storybook to review and yours definitely caught my attention since I'm a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy. You pretty much hit the nail on the head with the introduction. It brought me back to before the newer seasons, which sadden me since so much has changed. So much that I haven't even continued watching the last season and I'm sure the season before that. I hope to get back into it though and catch up.
ReplyDeleteBack to your storybook though, the introduction shared what the story was about, though I am still curious to see how you will recreate the stories. Will it be the same as the show, with newer plot twists or completely different, just a similar concept and the same characters. I'm excited to see where you take this, it's a pretty bold step, using a television show as your foundation. It's unique and I like it! Good luck!
Hi Sheena! I used to watch Grey's Anatomy nonstop, but have lately been falling behind. I just got done reading your introduction to your storybook and I honestly think that it is amazing! I think that you did such a great job with the layout as well as the picture in the back. I also really like that your introduction gave enough information so that if someone isn't familiar with the show they can still easily follow along. I also really enjoy that you are writing this from Meredith, the main character's, point of view. I know that she has numerous secrets as well as trials and tribulations on the show, so I can't wait to see what how you begin to unfold all of her stories! I am so excited to read more of your storybook! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHi Sheena, I just read the introduction to your storybook. I think the concept is a fun idea and it will be a great set of stories. Aesthetically, I think your page is terrific. The excessive white with a little baby blue immediately puts my mind in the hospital setting, which I assume may have been your goal. The white makes me think of the excessively clean environment (that should be there) in any hospital and the blue makes me think of latex medical gloves.
ReplyDeleteI've never watched Grey's Anatomy so I have no idea how this introduction differs from that of the actual series. I think it would be beneficial if you explained where your inspiration came from and what direction your storybook will take, because that isn't clear to me from reading this (granted someone that already knows the original story-line very well might know exactly what you're doing but I don't because I have no basis for comparison.) The home page would be a great place where you can add a quick blurb about that, so it won’t take away from your official introduction.
Overall, I think your intro is well written and it really sounds like something I would love to read. The last paragraph is a little unfocused and it doesn't feel clear to me what your goal is with that paragraph, so you might re-read that and see if maybe there is something missing you intended to include or possibly even just reorganize the paragraph.
Hello Sheena! I love the Grey's Anatomy idea you have for your storybook. I think that it is a great way to incorporate your own stories because the complexity of the Grey's Anatomy story line gives you a way to be creative and develop stories in your own way. The first and last paragraph reminded me of Meredith's opening and ending of each show and I could hear the narration as I was reading along, so great job there! I think one thing you could do is develop the characters a little bit more. By that, you could expand more on their personalities instead of just a broad overview of each character. I understand the traits of each character because I watch the show but I think if you added a little bit about specific characteristics, it would make your intro a lot stronger. I really like the idea that you are going for and I think it's great so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Sheena! Great introduction! I can hear Grey's voice reading the intro and conclusion while the scene flashes to pictures of Seattle. I am an avid watcher of the show, so I know who all of the characters are. One thing that might be useful it including pictures of the characters for those who aren't familiar with the show! You could also include a video of the Grey's Anatomy introduction if you want! That might help people who are unfamiliar with the show understand the way you introduce and close your stories! I really hope you keep this theme throughout your stories, because it is the perfect representation of Grey's Anatomy. Overall, I think you did really great introducing your topic! I am really interested to see the different stories you bring into it! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey Sheena! I really enjoyed your first story! I am sitting in the bottom of the physical science center and actually laughed out loud in front of everyone at the "shocking" part! So punny. I was kinda confused how it all related back until I read the authors note though! Like what the moral of the story was I guess! I also really loved how many pictures you used! That takes a lot of effort and I can tell how much work you put in! I too love modernizing my stories and so I really connected with your writing style! I am curious if the next stories will include more of the gossip that goes on in the show, like not between patients, simply the doctors! I know lots of mythology has some intense gossip that would end up working great for you! I look forward to reading your next story!
ReplyDeleteI’m so excited you started writing your stories. After reading your introduction I knew I’d have to come back and read the rest. As far as answering your question, I think the father is at fault. You really can’t ever assume a child should know better, after all they are still young. The father should have stopped her regardless if it was plugged into that wall in order to teach her that it is never right to chew on wires for future reference. I’m not sure where else this story is going to go though. I liked the idea, but I feel as though the story had a beginning, middle, and end and if you’re writing a series, I feel as though some events should happen without resolving itself in the same story. Maybe add some more drama between the doctors as well, just like the show. It would be interesting for the father to not tell them anything because he’s afraid of getting arrested for neglect so the doctors have to figure out themselves what happened to her and they can all have different answers. Other than that, this is off to a great start! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy you updated! I felt like I had been occasionally checking in for forever.
ReplyDeleteI liked your update, but overall the strangest thing about your story was the point of view. While you told it from Meredith's point of view, you described a lot of things going on that she couldn't see or wouldn't have known just yet. I also totally would have believed you can die from a phone charger (whether from choking on it, strangulation, or electrocution) so I didn't really like the beginning and ending snippet, especially since they spoiled what happened to the little girl. I'm not good at medicinal stuff, but your hospital vocabulary all sounded very impressive and like you researched it.
I'm also very interested in what connects your stories to this class because I'd love to see the link. Will we get mythological creatures or just bad parents?
Overall, I found your update amusing and interesting, and I eagerly await the next, whatever it brings.
I like how you went with the first person perspective of Meredith Grey like the narration in the show is. I liked your finishing paragraph in your intro. It made me want to keep reading your storybook; it was a great hook. Are you going to include more characters from the show? I don't even know which ones are left anymore, but it would be great if you were able to include more. If so, I would of course include their character descriptions in the intro as well. I liked your image choice. The beginning paragraph of your first story is awesome- a great way to get the readers interested in the story. There are a few comma errors I noticed, so proofread to check those. There are some missing commas in compound sentences. I think it's cool that you included the fancy medical terms in your story. They made it seem even more realistic. Nice use of "Shocking." in the story. This story scared me because I have a daughter, and she always tries to play with any cord she can find! I do think it is cool that you decided to use the electrocution story. You did well with it. It was just so sad It did teach a valuable lesson though.
ReplyDeleteI had to read your storybook when I saw "Grey's Anatomy!" It's definitely one of my all time favorites. Your homepage is amazing, I love the picture along with the title "Untold Stories." Not only the homepage photo, but the header pictures for both the introduction and story are great too. When you introduced the same character's that are in Grey's I got so happy. I was like hmm... what's going to happen next? As you know, anything can happen in Grey's, you never know!
ReplyDeleteOverall, I love that you began with Meredith's point of view of a statement that sets up the whole story.
Electric Shock was written very well both structurally and grammatically. You really focused in on Alex and the patient/dad, and I think that was needed. What an awful scenario, though stuff like that does actually happen in real life as well. That's got to be such a tough situation!
Anyways,
I'll definitely have to come back and read your future stories. Great job!
Wow, I really like the very beginning of the introduction! It pulled me in right away.
ReplyDeleteI can't say I know much about Grey's Anatomy except for some characters, so I'm looking forward to learning more about the show through your story :^). I like that you took the time to introduce the characters and give a brief description about them and I also like how you ended the introduction. It was inspirational and ties in with how working in a hospital setting is never constant and that you have to take whatever life throws at you and go with it.
Thanks for the author's note! It was really insightful and had me thinking. The story was also really interesting because I really wasn't expecting all of that to happen because of a phone charger; it really does make you think.
Good work! With the way your story is set up, I'm curious about what other cases will happen in the next few stories.
Hi, Sheena! I was so excited to see the title of your Storybook because I am absolutely obsessed with Grey's Anatomy!
ReplyDeleteWhat a cool idea to incorporate medical stories into the lives of the doctors because they are always coming across strange cases it seems. Are these stories from a collection or are they random stories that you found in your own research? I thought both of them were fascinating and you did such a great job making it seem like the real script of the show! I really appreciated the introduction to both stories with the little pieces of advice from Meredith. Feels just like the show!
I thought you did a great job with the layout and theme of your story because it reflects a hospital setting with the simplicity and crispness. It's also perfect that you have so many images from the show to select from for each story. I have to say, it made me sad seeing pictures of Derek! I sure miss him...
My only suggestions are for the medical terms that you included in the story. Myoclonus itself is a condition, but when it applies to a seizure, it actually becomes "myoclonic" as a descriptive term. It would also be interesting and sad for a little expansion on the aphasia experienced by the little girl because it would really tug at the heart strings! Lastly, gastroenteritis is an inflamed condition of the stomach, rather than an object, so the "an" before is not necessary. I know those are small picky and nerdy things (sorry!), but they might help the story seem a little more realistic.
Overall, great job and I loved reading your twist on Grey's! I'll definitely be checking back in to read more in the future!
Hey Sheena, your storybook was my free choice last week, and this week I was assigned to your storybook! I was excited, because who wouldn't be excited to read more about drama/instances in a Grey's Anatomy view. Once again, I love that you stick with the layout of the episodes of Grey's, as Meredith is the main intro and voice of story. Oh, and how nice to have Dr. Shepherd as the neurosurgeon for this patient! I really do feel like I'm watching an episode of Grey's when reading your storybook, which means that you are writing very well and with great imagery.
ReplyDeleteContent wise, what a crazy story! I was reading through this and thinking about all of the home remedies that people start to think are actually true. This one was really interesting, because there are a lot of people out there that probably do think this is a home remedy for the flu.
Anyways, great job and I can't wait to see what story you have next!
First of all I want to say that your storybook is very creative and I am super excited that I had the opportunity to read it. I can tell just by looking briefly at your Storybook that you are a Grey’s Anatomy fan. I love it – I think it is a show that can teach people a lot about life and get people through hard times. Your Storybook is very well thought out and attention grabbing and I think that is something you should be very proud of. I think your imagery and verbiage helps actually place ourselves in the hospital as a reader – that is something super hard to do and I think you have done very well in that! I think that there is a certain lack of drama between characters and that is my only suggestion…I think there could be more dialogue to resolve all the issues at hand. Other than that – great job and keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHi Sheena!
ReplyDeleteI’m a huge grey’s anatomy fan, so I was really excited when I saw that was the theme of your storybook! I have never seen anyone do a theme like this, and I am really impressed with your creativity and ingenuity with this! I just read the story “Electric Shock,” and I think it is really well done. It is much different from anything I have read in this class so it was a nice change of pace. I liked how you used so many medical terms but explained them in a way that was easy for the reader to actually understand what was going on. I also like that you used a situation that could of happened to anyone. I mean a cell phone charger, that is pretty crazy to think that it cause electrocution like that! One thing I wondered was exactly how old the little girl was? It said her dad was carrying her so I got the idea that she was young, but wasn’t exactly sure how old. Good job!
Hey Sheena! So I've originally said something about your storybook already, though I've received it as one to comment on now. I still love the idea that you've incorporated one of my favorite shows into your own version. I read both stories and loved how you utilized the stories you've read prior to creating something unique and vital to your stories. Though I'm a tad confused where each of these will head and if there is going to be a main theme in the end. There was also something about your stories that seemed like there could've been more. In terms of length, they seemed to have been cut short and/or limited by something where I would've enjoyed reading more drama and suspense rather than a quick lesson. Overall I enjoyed that each story provided the different emotions in general and the way they were incorporated with the original character names! And even though I didn't quite expect what you produced, job well done!
ReplyDeleteHi again, Sheena! I am always so happy to find that you have updated!
ReplyDeleteThis time I felt like you actually got closer to a real myth. I thought it was interesting that you have elected to use more modern examples of myths rather than stories like the ones we've been reading about.
Out of all of the pieces of your story, I'm a little unsure about the before and after each case excerpts. They feel a bit too much like TV narration and less like a story. I think you could definitely keep the ending ones, but both together feel a bit corny.
Also, I would make sure you watch your verb tenses because they often shifts in the story from past to present when they shouldn't.
As always, your story seemed a bit short, but it was entertaining nonetheless. I will be back again whenever you update next!
Hi Sheena! I have not read from this storybook yet, so I was glad to get the chance now. I really like the intro! It sets the expectations of each character (and I also totally read it in Ellen Pompeo's voice). One thing I like about this storybook is that it is not based on fairy tales or folklore -- it is something different! It is really neat that you chose to use the modern rumors/myths.
ReplyDeleteThe first story was fun to read. It really felt like something I would watch on Grey's Anatomy. I also liked how you featured the closing commentary. I found the second story funny. If only tequila did solve all of our problems! Overall, I like the direction you went with this story. I do, however, wonder if there is an end goal for the story. I did not pick up on any continuing story line. I feel like there should be something that motivates the reader to continue from story to story. Nonetheless, I am glad I chose to read yours this week!
I really like your titles for your stories. They definitely do a good job at reeling the reader in. Your banner image do a good job as well! The only part of your story that I hadn’t read yet was your ‘Thoughts on Tequila’ story, and I loved the very beginning. The first paragraph was such a great hook! The whole story was such an interesting concept. It was a really nice touch to add the video. I think it is great how you chose the white background to give that hospital feel. Also, it was nice that you could include a life lesson in that story as well as entertainment. I can really see a lot of people believing that video, so this was a very relevant topic. I kept wanting more details during the story, but I think that it is only because it felt like it was moving at a pretty quick pace. I also would have enjoyed something a little more dramatic to happen, but that is just the drama-junkie in me. Overall, good job with this storybook!
ReplyDeleteHey Sheena!
ReplyDeleteI love this storybook idea! I had not had the chance to read yours yet, and I am excited I got to choose this one as my free choice for the week! I think your layout is excellent and that you did a really nice job with pictures and designing everything. I am bad with technology, so I like what you have done. In your introduction I like how you actually introduced all of the characters and set up the scene for what was to come in later stories. I am fascinated that you choose to use modern myths to incorporate your stories with. For your two stories, I liked how you included a lot of detail with everything, even though things happen relatively fast in hospitals. I did like that you added the touch about the white background with a clean hospital effect. The tequila story was also very interesting! I too, am a fan of tequila so I thought the video you added was a really nice touch to the story. I kept expecting there to be something more climactic, but I never really got the feel for that. What if the tequila did something extremely strange to the patient's body? That would be such an interesting twist. Anyways, I also liked the little excerpt at the end with the lesson. I think that connected everything all together. Great job!
I don't watch too much TV but I was able to catch a few episodes of grey's anatomy. I think I watched more house than anything. I was expecting the tequila story to connect with alcohol poisoning but where you took it was good too. That story really made me think of house and what remarks he would make to the patient on how stupid they are. I like that your stories originate from things that affect us everyday, instead of things that where only an issue in the past. The layout is great and it really does give that vibe of a clean hospital. I was not tech savvy enough to change mine up. Great stories! and I hope to read more!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading some of your story and seeing how you used Grey's Anatomy as the inspiration for your story. I found it delightful to read just because of how well you put your story together. I liked that you took from more life like situations. Especially the last part of your storybook, which was about tequila. You seem like a very creative and well written writer. Good work.
ReplyDeleteHi Sheena! I originally clicked on your story from the title of it and I am so glad that I did! I read the introduction and the Electric shock and both of them were great. In the introduction, I love how you started the story with a question and that seemed like an excellent way to hook the readers and make them want to learn more about your story. I also love the perspective that you took when writing this. The story is being recalled from a first person point of your view and I loved that. It reminded me of The House of Cards in a way. The writing has a very mysterious element to it as well and I find that extremely fascinating. This is the last week for the class so I do not really have any suggestions on improvements. I hope you have a great end of the semester. Great job!
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